Standing Up While Sitting Down

I hold hope for the communicative skills of the rising generation after yesterday's Life and Ethics class discussion about abortion. This topic is heavily debated upon,  and I specifically have not yet posted on it for good reason. The only reason I have chosen to talk about it today is because I was able to see my very culturally diverse class go head to head without being at each other's throats. Opinions clearly differed even amongst those of the same religion, and, as usual, my opinion presented a lonely outlier for the group that certainly sparked people's interest and got some individuals who normally don't speak in class to repeatedly raise their hands to respond to my viewpoint. In fact,  the whole class turned from asking the professor questions to asking yours truly what I believed,  and, to their credit, even why I held my beliefs.

Normally when you hear about this kind of occurrence in a church magazine the writer will portray the discussion as a crucial missionary experience, which in a sense I guess it was, but the church has no official stance on abortion that I am aware of, so I kind of was on my own and representing me myself and I. So was everyone else,  and the battle was indeed for truth's sake. As students presented their individual arguments, other students would call them out for using logical fallacies  such as over generalizations or assumptions on what a person might believe if they belong to a particular faction of beliefs. Then the original student would respond to the refutation with a defense for their argument and the truth of the matter slowly sifted itself out. My standpoint in particular was attacked brutally, but not in an insulting manner. As was I, my questioners only sought to know what was right and what was wrong.

We had ask read three articles on the subject and they all failed to mention abstinence from sex as a preventative measure for abortion. Each in turn laid out why or why not the woman has a moral right to decide to end a potential human life because her financial circumstances are difficult or her mental health isn't where it should be in order to make it through the nine month pregnancy let alone motherhood. This mindset is bright about by the labeling of the two sides of Pro-Life and Pro-Choice: either you believe in preserving life or maintaining free agency. This is not the case. Many people fall somewhere generally in the middle of the spectrum on this topic.

For instance, in my case I believe the woman does have a choice concerning how to treat her own body; different in my opinion however is that I believe that choice comes before having a child as opposed to after becoming pregnant. This view was partially accepted but everyone's concern was that people in general enjoy having sex, so they wondered if I thought sex was a bad thing. I appreciated this question because it gave room to eliminate misunderstanding. Very important in clear communication.

I don't believe that it is bad. I believe that it is something to take into consideration that the biological reason we can procreate is to have children. If the only motive for having sex is to have fun and experience enjoyment one must weigh out the risks, just as one must determine if skydiving or riding a roller coaster is worth the risk. Though safety precautions may be in place,  accidentes happen. I love roller coasters, but each time I get on one I have to accept the possible consequences of my decision.

Nobody liked the answer, but no one could refute it either. Morality comes down to the idea of setting priorities: which ideals must be upheld above all others? if physical pleasure is number one and avoiding having a baby is farther down the list, then go ahead and do what you will. If your priority is to have a career and never have children, then to play it safe you may be celibate your whole life. Seeing the question of abortion as such a matter of deciding whether or not to have unprotected sex and dealing with the results makes the debate rest only on cases of rape and severe health threats for the woman. A person always maybe free to choose whether or not to sacrifice his or her life for that of another.

Anyway that was my standpoint and when the class ended five or six students approached me to explain that they disagreed with me but that we had had a very good conversation concerning the matter and today heard things they had not considered before. They expressed to me their wishes not to offend me in anyway shape or form and that I was not a monster in their eyes for holding my ground. This exhibits a rather different human characteristic than what I have seen before when making a stand as my previous posts show. During the whole conversation it was blatant that emotions were high for everyone,  but no one insulted each other or set up strawman arguments. People admitted any flaws that they had in their argument, and I feel that the class grew wonderfully from having the conversation. We were all able to set one priority straight: respecting those around us and establishing healthy relationships (not a dominant and submissive relationship nor a constant battle for it to become such) heavily outweighs being right all the time.

Dealing With Disagreement Like Christ Would

Today I wish to discuss a topic which pains me very much: religious and political disagreement. It is such a touchy thing to talk about, and everyone seems to have their own explanation for our own beliefs. When someone questions our beliefs we become defensive and often don't listen to what the other person has to say. Likewise, when we attack someone the beliefs of someone we know, consciously or not, it can damage the relationship. We often have a greater love for truth than we do for our own friends. That, I believe, is the issue at hand, not necessarily the truths over which the world constantly bickers and squabbles.

Discussion is good, and I encourage it. It will always come to a point where we will have differing opinions on even the tiniest issue, and we can and should seek to enlighten those around us so that we can agree if we choose.

I am a verbally political person in that I am not afraid to state my beliefs loud and clear. I served a mission for the LDS church for two years and endured many extraordinarily difficult things for my beliefs. I was accused of everything under the sun, from being a Satan worshiper, to being a liar, and even to being a spy. These were all people that I had dedicated my time to help have a happier life, but they refused to see it that way. I shared the exact same knowledge with everyone. But many desired that I not so much as converse with them because of my religious affiliation.

Other people really didn't want to listen to my message either, but they did want to feel loved. They would rough it out through my myriad attempts to help them understand the universe in a light more similar to my own and feed my companions and I delicious lunches and snacks in the process, frequently sacrificing their skimpy funds in order to do so. They overcame their prejudices against "los mormones" chasing people down in the streets and found within themselves the great love that we all have deep down one for another, and they acted on it. In return, we would wake up early in the morning and put on grubby clothes to get on their unfinished roofs and help them to lay a cement ceiling for their home. We would go to their shops, give them of our business day in and day out, help them receive shipments and meet new people as we sat on bags of dog food eating sandwiches. They invited us to meet their families, and to this day I hold very precious and sacred those times and people. They are part of my family, now. I learned that by giving of my might, mind, strength and soul to those who affirm that they never will accept my teachings, I can forge lasting friendships with those people, and I wouldn't exchange those relationships for any money or gift possible to receive in this world or the next.

I believe in Jesus Christ, and that the LDS church is His religious organization. I will stand to that belief until I meet Him face to face. It is not a perfect knowledge that this is true, but a firm and steadfast belief indeed (double entendre intended). You don't have to. There is a lot of good in a lot of different organizations that agree to disagree with us. I do expect you to come to grips with one irrefutable truth, however. Brotherly and neighborly love is the most fulfilling of all qualities, especially when it is mutual.

"1 Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.

 2 And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing.

 3 And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing.

 4 Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,

 5 Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;

 6 Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;

 7 Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.

 8 Charity never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away.

 9 For we know in part, and we prophesy in part.

 10 But when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part shall be done away.

 11 When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.

 12 For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.

 13 And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity."

--1 Corinthians 13

Here, Paul teaches us the same, that charity is even more important than knowledge and the ability to prophesy, more than giving all that we have to the poor without truly caring for them. Charity rejoices in truth, so when a charitable person discovers truth he/she embraces it, and learns to cope with the consequences. Even so, when someone who might be less charitable rejects a truth, he/she will continue to love and cherish that unbeliever because "charity never faileth" and "seeketh not her own".

This is very difficult to do when emotions are high, something that it extremely normal for religious/political discussions because if one is proven wrong it creates cognitive dissonance and large amounts of stress in his/her psyche. It's not fun or easy to deal with, and I am still learning to remember that I love those with whom I disagree. As I do good for them, agree or disagree, we both come closer to Christ because we avoid the spirit of contention, which is not of the Lord.

So today, when you go on to your Facebook or Twitter feed, and you see a post that defiles what you think is true (whether it be political or religious or otherwise,) instead of reacting in the common way of retaliation and spite or arguing, try to find within yourself charity. "Pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love..." (Moroni 7:48). Ask them how they are doing. Spend time wishing them well, and if you live close by, go out and get some ice cream with them and catch up on old times. If they are vegan and don't like to eat ice cream, go out and eat something that they would despite your affection for bacon. Remember that you do love them, and act accordingly. Remember that you love truth as well, and that your mind and body will fight you along the way as you treat with kindness and respect what they will label as an idiot. Their mind and body will do the same. It's a natural defense mechanism.

Though I am totally imperfect in this regard, the times that I have done it I have noticed that it was worth my time and effort. It takes practice. Are you willing to make the necessary change?

How to Fight Negative Perceptions With Tree Nuts And a Stick

Watch this;  I can cause you to feel completely different about the exact same idea simply by mentioning positive or negative statements about it.

Example 1: This product has killed millions of children throughout the existence of mankind. It has sparked wars, land disputes and feuds for generations. It is no good! Why would anyone want a product that is used for torture in such a widespread and well known way?

Example 2: This product can save your life every day. It can help you to lose weight, balance your system and assists in anaerobic exercise. Your children need this product in order to survive. Thank goodness that it is so abundant! What would we ever do as the human race without our beloved WATER!!!!

Yes. All the statements that I have made are true. I didn't lie (except for the "no good" part, but since opinions are subjective it doesn't really matter). What happened? It is the very same substance seen in two extremely contradictory lights. Anything and everything has upsides and downsides as stated by Charles Dickens in A Tale of Two Cities:

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way"

It all boils down to labeling. Advertisers are brilliant as using this technique to influence you to buy a product. Critics use it to tell you whether or not to see a certain movie. Literary geniuses employ this savvy method to shape your view on characters in their books and the morality of their actions. When abused, this tactic can cause job loss, divorce, lawsuits and it can drive people to suicide.

Have you ever felt labeled unfairly? I know that in my life I have felt bullied and attacked personally because of the words of others. It has affected how I view myself. Are the people that label others unjustly evil? Nope. Just misguided. So instead of returning the favor and labeling them back, how about we adopt a different perspective. 

Take Link, for instance. Link is a young Hyrulian kid with the vertical challenges of a leprechaun and the fighting style of a first-grader. All he has is a puny dagger and a wooden shield to begin with. His friends label him as worthless and incapable. The gods beg to differ and send him on an epic quest with awesome music. To commence this intense journey through space and time he kills a GARGANTUAN spider with tree nuts launched from a y-shaped stick.

To all of you who have felt as I have because of the verbal violence of others' mental flatulence, I ask a question: Who do you believe: the gods, or Link's friends? Why? What would have happened if the gamer, upon hearing the negativity of Link's friends, decided that the game wasn't worth his time because his character was worthless? What if we were to adopt the mentality, but not the violence, of course, of video games concerning our self esteem? We have weaknesses, but our strengths are what matter.

While we really do have negative attributes that others are most willing to point out, never fail to remember all the good that you have done in the world. If someone says that you are rude, think of all the nice things that you have said in the past. Maybe what you said or did in that moment was over the top and uncalled for. Instead of assuming that it means that your ARE a BAD person, think of things that aren't evil that you can do and decide to act on them to the best of your ability. Compliment that person on their astuteness and awareness and move on. If they want to label you, it's their issue, not yours. They can learn to treat people differently while you go on to prove them wrong.

Take your stick and tree nuts and use it to be a successful... whatever you are going to be. Don't let negativity bring you down!

"Judge not that ye be not judged"

I had a great lesson from a guy that I met last night at my work where I sell plants in a roadside tent. Right as I needed to go home, a man pulled up in a truck and I immediately went a little tense. At 8 o'clock at night in an empty parking lot, I don't exactly trust a lot of the people that come by. This guy was looking a little rough around the edges. He had obviously been in some sort of a minor accident in the past few days from the cuts and bruises on him, and he didn't speak very proper English, though he was a white guy. I wasn't exactly excited for him to be there, and I sure as heck double checked that everything was locked up.

Though I smelled fish, I decided to listen to him and didn't show this original suspicion based on my prejudice toward him. He began by explaining why he was looking for flowers that night. A friend of his had died a year ago, and he had gone to visit the friend's grave for the week of memorial day. They had grown up together, and it upset him that the family did absolutely nothing for their daughter for memorial day. He wanted to spruce up the overgrown grave site and even was willing to pay for a headstone so that she could rest with dignity.

We talked for a good chunk of time. I offered what little help I could in finding work. I knew of a few job openings and told him where he could apply. He discussed his past work experience and he turned out to be a very amiable person.

Now, I do not believe that I was wrong in pulling up my defenses internally towards a sketchy figure at night. Had something happened, those defenses could have saved my life and a lot of money for the company. My point is, I listened first, and then I spoke, or acted, accordingly. Had I gone off of my initial gut feeling alone, which wasn't good, I might have treated him differently and remained closed to a very noble person. Instead, I received a sweet lesson in humanity, and even could have taken the opportunity to share the Gospel with this good man.

I am very grateful for the progress that I am making in coping with new ideas and people that appear different. It brings me peace to know that I am moving towards a better understanding of people, and my love for God's children increases each time that I make the effort. My love for my own self also increases, and I have a better self-image as I learn that imperfections do not define us, rather goodness.

I close with a quote from the movie that I watched last night with a few friends: Secondhand Lions. Robert Duval says

Sometimes the things that may or may not be true are the things that a man needs to believe in the most: that people are basically good; that honor, courage, and virtue mean everything; that power and money, money and power mean nothing; that good always triumphs over evil; and I want you to remember this, that love, true love, never dies... No matter if they're true or not, a man should believe in those things because those are the things worth believing in.

Amen to that. The challenge that I leave for this week is probably very obvious. Try to listen to someone that you normally would never talk to, and get to know them before metaphorically throwing the first stone at them. You never know when you will find a true friend in someone that appears very different from you.

In My Imperfection, I Believe Christ: Phrasing My Beliefs In a More Meek Way

My mission really helped me to understand that I needed to change a certain  ideology that I have developed over the years, however I would not say that I am even near that ideal yet. Others in the Church seem to struggle with this concept as well. How can we preach what we believe without coming across as thinking that we are farther along the path to perfection than our audience? What kinds of attitudes can we avoid to help others feel welcome and genuinely interested in what we have to say about Christ instead of making them feel like we are crazy or fanatical? Why should we care about how our message is received, and how can we be more considerate of other people's circumstances while sharing it?

I theorize that in portraying an "in my imperfection, I believe Christ" mindset we can overcome the appearance of self-righteousness. I worded this very carefully. This phrase acknowledges that I struggle to keep all of the Lord's commandments in their fulness, but that I am willing to trust Christ enough to decide that His way is probably better than mine so I will do my best to follow His counsels. I recognize that though I believe that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints receives all truth from God Himself, I do not aspire to having obtained all of that truth yet. Paul demonstrates such a demeanor in the New Testament:

 "12 Not as though I had already attained, either were already perfect: but I follow after, if that I may apprehend that for which also I am apprehended of Christ Jesus.

 13 Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before,

 14 I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.

 15 Let us therefore, as many as be perfect, be thus minded: and if in any thing ye be otherwise minded, God shall reveal even this unto you.

 16 Nevertheless, whereto we have already attained, let us walk by the same rule, let us mind the same thing.

 17 Brethren, be followers together of me, and mark them which walk so as ye have us for an ensample."

Philippians 3:12-17

I would like to show what I believe in a way that to me seems to show this attitude. Missionaries should know this before hitting the field.
I really do believe in Christ. He is my Friend, my Savior and King. I love Him with all of my heart and daily battle from where I am to become like Him. I believe that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is His true and living Church, and that therein lies the Holy Priesthood, the authority of God to provide saving ordinances. I believe that through His merits all mankind may be saved through obedience to the ordinances and principles of His Sacred Gospel.

I have tried to live my life in a way that reflects that belief, but it is not as easy as I thought it would be when I was a child. It was so clear and simple to understand for me that I never could understand how others couldn't believe it or see it from my perspective. I never knew how to say that in a way that wasn't offensive or condescending to others and that didn't radiate self-righteousness. The whole "Holier-than-thou" attitude came a little as an instinct for me as I learned to cope with others' beliefs, not because I really am holier than anyone else, but because on certain subjects I believe that God has defined His commandments very strictly and I would rather err on the side of keeping them than on the side of rebelling against the most powerful being in the Universe.

Part of my personal striving within has been my confrontation with depression. I grew up perceiving depression as fault of the sufferer and that those who suffered from it were somehow less than other people. When I cracked under the stress of the mission and fell into depression myself for a time, I began to assume that it was because I was weak and could not handle the pressures of life as a "normal" person. I was very hard on myself for my imperfections.

At this point I learned how others felt when I told them to just be better and not to worry about it, because I was doing it to myself every living moment. It was in a little fourth-floor apartment in Rio Cuarto, Córdoba, Argentina that I felt the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ begin to act in my life.

I began to follow Him because I wanted to get rid of sin in my life, not just because I was supposed to or expected to. I told others to get off of my back and exercised more mercy in my views of others.  Instead of telling them that they HAD TO GO TO CHURCH IN ORDER TO BE FOLLOWING GOD, or YOU MUST GET BAPTIZED OR ELSE YOU WILL GO TO HELL, WHY HAVEN'T YOU EVEN READ THE BOOK?, I explained that I had received greater light and knowledge in doing so and I promised them that they would see the same results if they followed the example of Jesus Christ by seeking His truth. This would involve reading the Book of Mormon to see if the promises that we gave as missionaries and that the Prophets gave in the Book of Mormon really would come to pass. Instead of judging them for electing not to go, I decided to think of their shortcomings as in similitude of my own. 

"I know that it is difficult to change habits, and I am sad for you that you have missed this great experience, but I love you too much to get upset at you. I will keep coming by and showing you that love and the importance that I give this message. You really don't want to lose the blessings that you will get. I love this gospel so much, and I hope that you can find out for yourself why I do."

So, if you currently tend to portray your standards as self-righteous statements, like how I tend to do, I would invite you to begin to learn what you can do to overcome that attitude. I have been trying to cease my Pharisaical spews and I would like to know how to better my healthy predication of Christ to the individual more than to the empty air. In so doing, I have found deep friendships with people that before I would never have maintained contact with, and I have seen Christ enter their countenance through my willingness to understand. As my earlier posts attest, it is an upward battle, but I promise to keep up the fight.

To All Y'all Singles Out There Confused With Me In The Dating Process

Easter Sunday I had a conversation with my cousins about the expectations of men for women and women for men. Dating is the classic scene of poor communication. The guys have no idea what the girl wants, and the girls give little hints that the guy is supposedly able to pick up on to know whether or not she is interested. Knowing this, it makes it only more confusing for the guy because he does not think in this way. Consider my title and imagine the pressure on us as we are generally expected to make the decisive moves in a manner that isn't creepy or overkill, but that demonstrates how we feel. The women are expected to show interest, but, as many that I know are going through, when they want a guy to ask them out they can't force him to do so. This puts them between a rock and a hard place. Do they go ahead and ask them out, or do they just have to stick it out and hope that he catches their hints?

So I began to wonder how I could apply crucial conversations to this topic, and to be honest I still have no idea what exactly to do. I was grateful for the long list of advice that I received from my cousins and friends, enjoyed giving my advice as well despite my lack of expertise in the field.

In those conversations, I concluded that honesty is a two-edged sword; if you frame it poorly it can be very offensive or disconcerting. Also, if you hide it, I have learned from personal dating experience that it also causes grief. These are the two extremes of silence and violence discussed in the book.

Let's think about this following situation. How could we tell the truth without harming the relationship? What might change were we to clarify what we want to accomplish in the chat and what we don't want to come off as. How could asking questions concerning the other person's purpose help to make things clearer and less awkward?
Bill has started to get to know Jill. Over time he finds her attractive and inside of him emotions develop due in part to hormones and in part to him recognizing good qualities in the girl. He is nervous, and doesn't know well how to express these emotions, so he suddenly professes his emotions that he truly has towards Jill to her with little tact. Jill gets scared off pretty fast. She had been a little interested, but now she assumes that Bill will go crazy trying to convince her to marry him even though this is only the first time that he has asked her out.  Trying to protect herself, she bluntly tells him that she never wants to be with him and you list a long list of qualities that were unattractive to her. Bill goes away feeling like she is a jerk and that it is better that he finds someone else anyway. Her purpose might be achieved in getting him to leave, but Bill now has very negative emotions towards her that could have been avoided.

This relationship could have been salvaged if the two had learned to effectively communicate. This common setting of an interaction has not always ended poorly. Though it might end in a simple friendship, it can be an important bonding experience that will help both parties to learn to truly love through understanding.

Let's edit how Bill and Jill go about the scenario and include crucial conversation skills. This time i'll include dialogue so that we can see how it plays out.

Bill: Hey, Jill I want to talk to you for a sec.
Jill: Sure, Bill. What's up
Bill: Well, this topic makes me a little nervous, and I may not express myself well, so please bear with me and have patience. I think that you are a fun girl and that you would make a great mother someday, and I have begun to have feelings towards you.

 BAD MOVE BY BILL. RED FLAG FOR JILL. I AM RHYMING STILL, NOW GO ON WE SHALL! WATCH HOW STATING THE PURPOSE OF BOTH SIDES CHANGES THE CONVERSATION HERE.

Jill: Um. Ok. I am not ready to take this relationship quite that far yet. We haven't even been on a date yet, Bill. I would be interested in trying out a date or two, but I wouldn't want to start something if you are expecting to get married with me from the get go.
Bill: I agree with you one hundred percent. I must have I portrayed an expectation of marriage without really intending to. What I really wanted to say is that I would like to see if we mesh well. I like what I have seen in you and would like to take it to the next step.
Jill: Why don't we go with some friends to get some ice-cream or something like that, and if we find that we aren't the best match for each other we can always leave it at that.
Bill: What if it goes well?
Jill: I don't know, yet, Bill. We will have to see.

Both sides understand where the other wants to go, and they are comfortable with the situation even though they don't know where it will lead them. Jill let Bill know that she doesn't want to go forward too fast, but that she is at least mildly interested in him. Bill admits that he did not say what he truly intended for the outcome of the relationship. This situation does not mean that they have to end up as a forever family, but at least they have understood what the other person was feeling.

Jill's first reaction is something that scares guys away from asking girls out. Another is when the figurative Bill asks Jill out with the same sentence "I think you'd make a good mother" and has the healthy mindset shown in the dialogue, and Jill becomes very excited and after the first date wants to marry him. Both sides need to understand that the first date, or even subsequent dates, are not a proposal even if portrayed on accident as such.

Situation #2
Jane likes Bill, but he won't make the next move on her. She is frustrated with him, and wants to know why guys don't just man up and ask the girl out sometimes. In the past she feels that he has shown interest in her, but he seems to expect her to plan all of the events. From Bill's perspective,  he has just recently been out with Jill and isn't sure that she is what he is looking for, but he doesn't want to burn that bridge. Jane throws hints at him that she wants him to ask her out, but he is completely oblivious. Midway, Bill helps her to get what she wants to not say out on the table.
Jane: Bill, why don't guys ever plan out their dates? I get tired of having to do all the work.
Bill: Well, Jane, it is a work in progress for most guys. Planning never was our forte, and I admit that sometimes we really do drop the ball. Money is tight, too. That doesn't help.
Jane: Just do something cheap, then. A picnic, a hike or something like that.
Bill: I sense a lot of pent up emotions here. This must be an important subject for you.
Jane: It is.
Bill: Then I don't want to start an argument and say something that neither one wants to say, but I would like to know why it is so important to you. Is there someone that you wish would ask you out?

Personally this part would be very awkward for me to explain were I Jane. I had to think the response through for a good while.

(long pause)
Bill: Ah, a deeper sensitive subject I see.
Jane: Well, I don't want it to be awkward, but now that it is up for discussion I'd like for you to ask me out.
(longer pause)
Bill: Sensitive subject would be an understatement. Um... Well... I'd love to take you out for something cheap sometime, I am just not really looking to start a relationship yet.
Jane: What do you say we go on a date and decide from there? No strings attached.
Bill: Frisbee golf on Saturday?
Jane: And cookies at my apartment afterwards.
Bill: We're on the same page that it's just a date, right?
Jane: Yes.
Bill: Ok! Can't wait til this weekend!

I had a conversation similar to these one when I broke up with my girlfriend my senior year of high school in preparation for my mission. We stated our purposes of not wanting to confuse each other, but that we had interest in the other person, so we would wait until after my mission to see if it would work. We understood that there existed no contract between the two and that it was not out of the question that we remain friends for life and that we go separate ways. These understanding moments really work, though they are difficult to pass through. Anyway, we still did stuff together for the following year until my mission, we dated other people, and she got married a year into my mission. I was grateful that we had communicated effectively in at least some cases, and learned some good lessons in the process.

Challenge of the week, singles: have a crucial conversation with a member of the opposite gender, whether it be concerning feelings that you have for them, or just how you expect them to act in a dating situation. I will try to do so again this week, too to not be a hypocrite. It doesn't mean that I will have a new girlfriend in a week, and that is not the intention, though it may be a welcomed result:P

But I Don't Feel Like It!!! That Is Difficult!!!!!

As human beings, we have the tendency to form something called "society". This phenomenon has lasted through millennia after millennia, and it has defined how we act. There are laws that we call morals that have been followed even from before they were formally written. There is seemingly no "law enforcement" (unless you believe in God like I do) concerning some of these fundamentals of "society", yet people have followed these rules, generally speaking, that is. Those who have followed them, such as Abraham Lincoln and Martin Luther King, Jr. have received praise and respect for centuries afterwards, and those who have broken them (Hitler, Mao, Emperor Palpatine) have been rejected or outcast figuratively if not literally, even by their own. I have found four "moral laws" that have persisted through the ages in societies worldwide. They go as follows:


1. Thou Shalt Not Lie
2. Thou Shalt Not Kill For No Reason
3. Thou Shalt Not Take That Which Someone Else Has In His Possession

And last, but not least, and my topic for today,

4. Marriage Calls for One Male and One Female (In Most Cases, the Muslims the Romans, the Babylonians, the Hebrews, Kings, etc. Have Made Many Exceptions), Disregarding Relations Outside of Those Bounds Which Are Simply Called Relations.


Though society has differed in its differed in its views of how to treat animals, in how to run a government and even in its definition of marriage, one thing prevailed; if nothing but for facilitating genealogy and decreasing confusion in doing so, marriage has existed between man and woman with man as the head of the family. Don't ask me why, ask yourself why. Ask history why. I didn't create society, nor have I forced my ideas upon the millions of millions who have lived before me.

Today, marriage is being called into question. We see that due to a lack of this "police" force for society's fundamental four rules, we have marriage in question, which is causing confusion and a lack of understanding. Now we have to reflect on the"whys" of these rules.

DISCLAIMER!!!!!, I do not imply that those who support gay marriage think the next lines of thought that I will give. Being gay in the LDS church must be extraordinarily difficult, but the Savior makes it possible for one to live His Commandments. I respect and love many gay people with whom I work and treat them no differently than I would any other person. However, knowing human nature (and Satan's nature) in the past concerning pushing limits and driving for personal "rights" that "society won't respect", and that "I feel this way so I should be able to redefine society", I felt it enlightening to put this up for some perspective.

By using emotional reasoning ( a cognitive distortion characterized by "I don't feel like", or "I don't like to" attitudes), one could justify anything, should the courts begin to use that as a valid reason to change society. What happens if we begin to question the other three fundamentals? What happens if someone begins a movement saying:

"It is a dog eat dog world, and I see no problem in killing people. I feel like killing them because I was born a violent person, and it is very hard if not impossible for me to change. Others could kill me, and have the right to do so. Why can I not have the right to kill them?" 

Or,

"The truth is only necessary when it benefits me. Why is the truth important, anyway? If i can get away with something in a court room it must be okay. I am a compulsive liar, so it isn't my fault. I will just lie and get away with whatever I want. Everyone else can, too." (this  one has already set in YEARS ago).

 And then comes the same for stealing.

At times, mankind has passed through phases of this. The time period in which Jesus Christ lived is an example of this. He did no wrong and was killed by the government who had a religious political agenda. Similarly Copernicus discovered astronomical wonders and was put to death for it because it meant that the Catholic church made a mistake in the past about science. Many human races have been set on conquering the world for power, killing and pillaging wherever they went just because they could. We call these types of time periods "The Dark Ages", implying that we believe that that time was terrible on our rap sheet.

Why have these attitudes not yet taken a permanent hold on society? Why have we always pulled out eventually? Because the individual is the "police" on this issue. Speaking out against such things has maintained the human race up until this day. Hence the original Martin Luther, John Calvin and William Tyndale in the Middle Ages, the French Revolution (though poorly executed, pun intended) and the many other revolutions and rebellions against  a very interesting topic: CRIMES AGAINST HUMAN NATURE.

Yes, I am implying, now stating, that I believe, due to historical evidence and religious beliefs that gay marriage is against human nature, and in a sense, a crime. Please, let me know why you feel otherwise.

Now, on the positive note, let's day dream a bit. What would happen if the members of terrorist functions decided that killing people is not okay and they took down their leaders? What would happen if the American people took it to heart to stand up and put lying politicians, judges and lawyers out of office just because they know that it isn't right to make money off of twisting the truth? What would happen if drug lords decided to cease their activity for the good of mankind and not just for themselves, or if they won't do it, if the neighborhoods were to literally kick them out and exterminate all traces of drugs from their streets?

Let's speak up in public places to keep the simple basics of human morals in place so that we can be happy and safe. If you believe that there is dishonesty in your workplace, YOU FIX IT. Don't make the courts do it or your boss do it. You fix it. Do you not believe that your representative is honest? YOU FIX IT. Do you believe that marriage being under attack follows in supported by mere emotional reasoning? Be the individual force that maintains society, and don't fall for the folly of diffusion of responsibility. You are responsible to be responsible for your actions and to help others to understand the same. So be it. Make moral stands using as much tact as you know how, and don't waiver to violence (verbal or physical), lies, half truths, hidden meanings or emotional reasoning.